Failed Attempts to Fly
by Queenbee19
Summary: Every day I wish I were able to grow wings and fly away from my fears. This is my love journal; all Daughters of Aphrodite have one. And here are my entries about Charlie and I. SilenaxCharlie
1. Failed Attempts to Fly

**Failed Attempts to Fly**

Every morning I wish it were possible to grow angel wings and just fly away. From all of my troubles and all of my fears. And all of the things that I've done. And start new.

But every morning I stare in the mirror with no wings, no new soul, and a broken heart.

I never knew it was possible, to live with such a broken heart. To live with a heart that aches and aches because there is no cure to the cancer. To live with a heart so broken you can barley tell it's beating. But if you listen close there is a faint heart beat, slowly keeping me alive.

And I never knew tears we're so easily covered in makeup. I never knew I had the strength to get up every morning and go to breakfast knowing he's not there. I didn't know a girl could be so broken, and hide it so well. I didn't know I was that strong, yet every day I complete the routine convincing enough.

Because people need something to believe in, and look up to. People expect me to be fragile and broken, so I keep it inside as long as I can to give us all hope. And if I break now then how can I expect anyone else to make it through? Despite my problems there's a war out there.

A war I could've stopped, or at least prolonged. If it weren't for me it wouldn't be this bad. If it weren't for my choices I wouldn't have to look at my face in the mirror and try to convince myself I'm not a terrible person. And If it weren't for my choices Charlie wouldn't be dead.

And some people say I should just move on, but it's impossible. How can I love anyone else when I can't even trust myself?

Every day I miss his smile, and his hugs. Even the way he held my hand because no one holds it the same way. And every time I told him I loved him it was like I had fallen in love with him again that day and I needed him to know the love was still there.

I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart. I love him with all my heart. All I want is for him to be alive. Yet somehow if it weren't for me he would still be alive.

And every night I go alone outside my cabin and watch the stars. Because so many times I watched them with Charlie, and I will remember him every night. And I know he still loves me, it hasn't died. And I know somehow he's waiting for me.

And all alone, in the dark under the stars, I wish I could grow angel wings and fly away. Because I want to fly towards Charlie because that's where my heart is. And I don't know how long this girl can dance through live with a broken heart.

But every night I don't grow wings. And it's another failed attempt to fly.


	2. August 7th

_"_But mom, I _loved _him." I whispered to myself as if the little fact would change anything. I sat in my pink pajama pants, black hair rolled up in a ponytail on top of my bed. The rest of the cabin was sleeping while I sat with my journal; flipping through my memories with Charlie.

I lifted my little pink flash light, as I turned to a random page.

_This is my love journal. Property of Silena Beauregard and no one else. So no peaking!_

**August 7th.**

I remember the day when my world came crashing down on me so fast I was left defenseless to stop it.

I was waiting for Charlie to come back from his mission with Percy. But I knew something wasn't right. Because I had felt at a moment that a part of me had died, I just couldn't let myself believe it.

And when I heard they were back from the mission I pushed through the crowd not caring about anything else I just wanted to see his face. And feel his hug when he was back.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked. I knew it was a stupid question, but there was no way he actually was dead. There just was no way. I wouldn't believe he didn't make it back.

Percy looked to Chiron, and everyone around us was silent. And I wasn't going to let the quiet voices tell me what had happened. I didn't want to hear the truth, I just wanted Charlie.

"Silena, my dear..." I didn't hear the rest of his words. Because slowly everything started to fade out. I couldn't hear anything, I didn't see anyone. Nothing mattered anymore.

"No. No. No." My heart began to beat faster to the speed of denial. Because love was everything good and mom wouldn't do this to me. Not that I deserved him, after the things I had done.

And then I just cried. There was nothing left to do, but cry. I didn't care I was in front of everyone. I didn't care that my hair hadn't been brushed and I was not even wearing makeup I didn't care. I just cried. And let the tears roll down my face.

I felt an arm around me. I felt a voice take me to hot chocolate. I felt a lot of things but in reality I felt nothing.

But then I felt it, tiny cracks. I felt my heart breaking.

There was nothing left to read, the rest of the page was empty but I could tell it wad tear stained. Closing the memory, I closed the journal. Turned off my light, and fell asleep. Dreaming of things the way they were.

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Hope you liked it. And reviews only take a few secones!

xoxo Queenbee19


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